Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
People in love make me want to vomit
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
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So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
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I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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