i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My pussy is not your playground.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
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No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
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You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
How does one acquire holy water?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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