I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
