Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
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He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
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At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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