Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
