god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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