How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
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He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
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It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My bed smells like the plague
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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