Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
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