Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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