I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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