thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
