I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
