Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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