you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
