I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
