My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
