I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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