I feel like I'm in dance class right now
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
