I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
