I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
