I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Still dying that you shit outside
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
