Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
