I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
