i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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