the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
where are you?
Hypothermia
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
