I'm lost and stupid without you.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
