If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
