Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just want nice things and good sex
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
