Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
