Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
