I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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