My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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