if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
