could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
only you would photoshop your dick
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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