Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
