Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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