The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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