we have pet lesbian snakes
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
