tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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