I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
