I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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