She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
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if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
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I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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