He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
