I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
