dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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