And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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