I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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