okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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