Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
