I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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