His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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