Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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