I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
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I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
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I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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