i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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