theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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