I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
it's great music for shaving your balls
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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