Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Plan B is the new Plan A
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
not ubering you a puppy
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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