I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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