I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
