First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
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i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The beer is more important than you right now.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
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I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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