yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
