i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
